Thoughts of others: Free yourself from negative influences

How often are you influenced by the opinions of others? It is not very helpful to think about what others think of you, especially when those thoughts have nothing to do with your reality. In this guide, we will look at the thought exercise that can help you understand your own thoughts and feelings and free yourself from the opinions of others.

Main insights

• Your own thoughts control your feelings.
• It is impossible to directly influence the thoughts of others.
• Focus on your own strengths and values.

Step-by-Step Guide

To stop taking the thoughts of others to heart, we use a simple thought exercise. Follow these steps:

Imagine you have completed a project and receive the highest recognition from your boss. Your colleagues also congratulate you and find your performance impressive. You are friendly, helpful, and your coworkers appreciate working with you. Now, hold on to this positive moment to understand your own feelings.

Now think of a colleague who is struggling to meet expectations. He has difficulty concentrating and is noted for inadequate performance. Consequently, he is often pointed out by your supervisor and colleagues for his mistakes. This constant negative feedback leads him to be often in a bad mood and rather unfriendly, especially towards you. Consider what is likely going through him at that moment.

This colleague may be jealous of your success and the recognition you receive. He sees you getting the praise he also desires, and perhaps he feels that you are taking the attention and appreciation that he deserves away from him. It is important to make yourself aware of this thought, as it may influence your own feelings.

Do you feel uncomfortable thinking about his thoughts? Probably yes. But here is the critical question: Why does thinking about his thoughts affect you? And what would change if you translated his thoughts about you into your own behavior and changed accordingly?

Would you be less friendly or less helpful? That would not only be detrimental to you, but also strain your relationship with your colleagues. Help yourself by understanding that the thought experiment shows you how much you make your own feelings dependent on the thoughts of others.

Remember that you cannot influence his thoughts, but you can regain control over your own thoughts and thus over your feelings. When you focus on your own strengths and values instead of the thoughts about the opinions of others, you will notice that you feel better.

Do not make space for the negative thoughts of others, but focus on the positive aspects in your life and on the recognition you deserve. Play this example in your mind with other scenes and repeatedly recognize the same influencing principle.

Summary - Yourself: Learn to Free Yourself from the Thoughts of Others

To separate your feelings from the thoughts of others, it is essential to internalize your own strengths and positive experiences. Your thought exercises show you that you are the only one who has influence over your feelings. Focus on yourself and find a positive perspective on things.